Top 5 Reasons Couples REALLY Come to Counseling : Modern Love Counseling
Why do couples really come to counseling? You may actually be surprised! From my experience as a relationship therapist, here are the top 5 reasons couples really come to counseling and seek out my specific services. Get ready to check your assumptions!
I have heard it all. Generally speaking, these are the top 5 reasons why the majority of my couples say they are seeking out counseling. I wanted to write about this topic because I feel as though there is still a heavy stigma and misunderstanding about counseling in general. I hope that this post can clear the air and shake up your assumptions or misconceptions about counseling services and/or couples who seek them out.
[Order is ranked from most common to least.]
Number 1 Reason Couples Really Come to Counseling: “To communicate better.”
We all want to learn how to communicate better, right? Conflict can erupt whenever we feel our partner doesn’t understand or hear us. This can be challenging to every and any twosome at some point of their relationship (regardless of how strong their relationship is). “Learning to better communicate” is actually more about learning to listen better, as well as working on being more vulnerable with how you express your needs/perceptions/feelings. “Sometimes you just need a third party to help you understand where that missing link is.” Says a current client. “It’s super helpful when Alysha can reflect what she’s hearing and seeing from both of our sides because we realize how much we aren’t hearing. She helps hold a mirror to our own behaviors and helps us better communicate what we really mean.”
Number 2 Reason Couples Really Come to Counseling: “To get closer.”
You may not realize this, but there is a large population of couples out there that actually seek out counseling services to improve their (already awesome) relationship! Couples are wanting to learn how to deepen their relationship for longterm success and fulfillment. Every day, I am humbled and relieved by the population of couples who actually choose to take this preventative and proactive stance. “Premarital counseling” helps couples who are getting married learn more about each other and prepare for stressors and issues in the future. However, a lot of my couples are seeking out “preventative counseling” are already married, have no desire to get married or who are new in their relationship altogether. “We have been coming to Alysha for 2.5 years and we rarely fight and have difficult conflict. We come to Alysha once a month to consistently strengthen our foundation so we feel more secure and connected. It’s been the best investment we have ever made.” Says a current client.
Number 3 Reason Couples Really Come to Counseling: “To prioritize their relationship.”
Let’s face it, we are SO busy as a society that we often don’t know how to slow down. We rarely have time for ourselves, let alone have the energy to prioritize our relationship sometimes. Date nights often come out of necessity, (i.e. “want to grab dinner?”) purely for the fact that we both need to eat, not because we want to connect. We struggle with coping through our own emotions and stressors from the day that once we see our partner we are ready to just unplug, not re-engage. There’s is nothing wrong with experiencing a rut or a routine that helps you unwind, I may add, but “the problem occurs when you’re so deep in the rut you can’t connect with your partner anymore.” Says Spencer Campbell of 5280 Magazine when describing his experience with The Modern Love Box.
My couples want to avoid this dilemma, or some may actually be experiencing a lack of connection because their routines and rut have consumed them. “Counseling for us is a regular time and place that we both commit to us, which forces us to get out of our regular day-to-day stresses and helps us be accountable to prioritize our relationship every other week.” Says a current client.
Number 4 Reason Couples Really Come to Counseling: “To talk through uncomfortable topics.”
Uncomfortable topics may vary from sex, money, values, to conflictual misunderstandings, to differing family dynamics. “Uncomfortable topics” are somewhat easy to avoid initially, but become more and more difficult to shy away from when your lives really start merging together. “Counseling is a safe, mediated environment that supports both of us when we have difficult things to discuss. It has a way of keeping us from escalating immediately and getting defensive as we would at home, so we actually get to hear what the other person is trying to say. Counseling has been really helpful in learning to hear my husband and understanding him without jumping to my own conclusions about how he feels or what he thinks.” Says a previous client.
Number 5 Reason Couples Really Come to Counseling: “To heal and have healthy conflict resolution.”
And yes! Couples come to counseling because something really unfortunate happened and they can’t seem to “get over it,” or there has been a reoccurring conflict that they both are feeling stuck in. Conflict is a part of a healthy relationship and we don’t always have the tools on how to effectively resolve it. “We kept having the same argument over and over again about petty things and we finally sought out counseling to help us figure out why and how to solve it. We were exhausted and feeling like we were barely holding on. We didn’t want to hate each other (even though at times we were getting pretty close). We felt counseling was our best option to helping us resolve conflict and helping us really move on from issues.” Says a current client.
Why is the post important? Well, for many reasons. The main one being that we need support in normalizing counseling, mental health, connection and commitment in our society! We need to reframe the negative misconceptions of any resources (including The Modern Love Box) that are out there that support love and healthy connections! We need to spread the word in helping others feel normal, confident and comfortable with going outside of their comfort zones and seeking support! There is nothing wrong with that!
32 thoughts on “Top 5 Reasons Couples REALLY Come to Counseling”
a very good article, me and my girl was planning to go for a consultant but were shy,
thank you for sharing these thoughts.
Happy to hear this! Being shy and nervous about starting this process is completely normal. I hope you do go to a consultation to feel it out for yourselves!
I have to agree with Parth, a really good reading. At first I just took a peek but I ended up reading it all. I have to thank you too for laying out the benefits of choosing to get counseling, this really made me and my boyfriend to go for it.
This is wonderful to hear! Glad it was helpful to you!
really good article. it helped people to feel comfortable in taking counseling services.
So glad to hear this!
Great article! I found another blog to be very helpful: http://www.lovelessnessandlovesickness.com
It’s a psychiatrist’s view on the illnesses of affection. Thanks again!
Nice Post . Keep up the Good work. Looking forward for more.
Thank you so much!
I think it is smart to get a third party involved to see what happens when people communicate. I know that one of my friends is having a hard time talking to their partner. They have been thinking about going to counseling, and I think that could really help them. Having that third party would really help them understand how to communicate better.
Thank you for your input. I hope your friends get the support they need… because everyone needs it once in a while!
A really good post, keep it up, looking forward for more such blogs.
Thank you for this post. I especially like reason number 5. You can’t avoid conflict in a marriage. best learn how to deal with it better. I also found “Save the Marriage” very helpful.
A counsellor can be of help with airing concerns and fears and also in negotiating responsibilities that may arise as a result of making a new commitment within the relationship. Councelling is very important for improving communications and eliminating bad habits. This article and all the reasons mentioned is very good and helpful.
Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.
visiting a marriage counsellor is an important act that should not be ignored by singles or married couples. it helps save alot of things from happening.
I didn’t realize that marriage counseling could be used to help a couple learn how to have healthy conflicts in a safe environment. Although I’m not married, I know that I have a hard time with conflict. Is it possible to go to a relationship counselor for advice on this without being married?
Absolutely! I have many clients that come to me for relationship support regardless of their marital status.
Very nice blog and a complete set of information. Thank you so much. You can find related info here: https://www.whitedate.net
Getting into a relationship is one of the most complicated things. The more you try to understand it the more you get confused. With the help of this article, many things can be sorted out easily. Thank you very much for sharing it.
Thank you for reading! Glad it was helpful!
I like how you mentioned that one of the top reasons why married couples go to a counselor is to learn how to communicate better, especially when it comes to the problems that usually surround conflict and how either one or both spouses try so much to avoid having to deal with shouting at each other. This is one of the main reasons why couples see a counselor because either one or both of them are afraid to talk about what’s bothering without it potentially escalating into a fight. While I have no experience when it comes to attending counseling, at least I can recommend this to my sister who’s looking to find a marriage counselor in the near future.
This is very informative blog thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading!
i love this! communication is a main thing in a relationship… i have interest in counseling and this information shared here is so educative
Conflicts are normal in relationships the most important think is how we handle them.
I think this would really help those who are looking for a relationship.
Thank you for the article you are an inspiration to us all
the blog is actually nice and i really love the way you have explained the things on the topic. the flow is superb. this is really helpful.
moreover building trust is also a major component in making a relationship perfect.