If you are a momma, you have probably asked yourself “Why is being a mom so hard?” If you find yourself struggling with the concept (and execution) of being a modern mom, you are NOT alone! Being a new mom is one of the biggest life transitions you will ever experience. Although it is beautiful and rewarding, there are moments when it is also catastrophic. This may seem a bit dramatic, but if you find yourself in the thick of an identity crisis and feeling like you are failing at everything, (and can’t ask for help), “catastrophic” is actually completely accurate. Many moms don’t seek the support they need for various reasons; one being that our culture’s expectations of modern mothers are near to impossible to meet!

If you think about it, modern moms are still expected to work and make a “successful” living independently; modern moms are expected to be fun but authoritative, patient but stern, sensitive but not hovering. We shouldn’t let our kids watch too much TV, play video games or the iPad. We should be engaging with our kids constantly; be teaching them something and helping them navigate their delicate and confusing emotions. We are expected as mothers to tend to our children’s every need without babying them. We are expected to work and earn a successful living without asking for help or getting special considerations from our employers. We are constantly expected to be better than previous generations.

We are also expected to be in control of the household, of our children, of our own autonomy and financial freedom, yet if we are perceived as too controlling, we went off the deep end. If we need help, then we are really asking for too much. On top of this, we also have the pressures from society as women, to be sexy and youthful; as wives/partners, to be attentive and patient. To not be needy, and to be confident. We are expected to have it all together.

Modern moms are expected to carry on traditional gender roles, all while thriving in the modern privileges of gender equality.

Well, aren’t these expectations too much?

If you were anything like me prior to becoming a mom, you had all your ducks seemingly in a row. You controlled everything; you were on a tight schedule, you took care of yourself, and your needs. You had a career, you were driven, and passionate. Hell, you even brushed and flossed daily. You, were seemingly on top of your game and then all of a sudden, your life literally turned into something you couldn’t recognize anymore. Your body was wrecked, your relationship sucked and you couldn’t sleep more than 4 hours at a time. Even though everyone told you, “sleep when the baby does,” you piled more and more to do’s on your plate because nothing seemed to ever get done. Eagerly attempting to get back to some sort of resemblance of your old self, you felt like you were failing at everything you attempted. I asked myself every 5 minutes it seemed… Why is Being a mom so hard? Is it this hard for everyone else? Unfortunately, I became a martyr and blamed everyone else for my setbacks. I was hormonal, exhausted, and was depleted from trying to do everything I had once been able to do, all while being a perfect, attentive, loving mother.

It was too much, and I was frustrated that no one talks about it.

Instagram influencers and the media all portray how glamorous being a mom is. With all the accessories and expensive gadgets, it seems odd that as a mom you would be struggling with regret or loneliness, when everywhere else tells you you should be happy. It’s amazing how our culture continues to promote modern women on these social media platforms; Instagram promotes “real” lives, yet none of it portrays the whole story. Social media is so counterintuitive to what is reality, yet we continue to use it as a barometer to gauge our level of success/beauty/normalcy/acceptance. Society creates so many judgements already, which divides us mothers, and makes seeking support additionally challenging.

The reality is, moms are over worked, under appreciated, and feel lonely. They also encounter judgments on all sides from other mommas that keep them feeling more and more isolated; working moms verses non-working ones, adoptive moms verses “natural” birthing ones, vaginal birthing moms verses c-section moms, breast feeding moms verses formula feeding ones, religious moms verses spiritual ones. The list goes on… It’s challenging enough being human, let alone raising one and not feeling you have unconditional support in any corner. We haven’t even started to discuss the division within your partnership and how challenging managing responsibilities in a modern household can truly be. Moms often feel unseen by their partner, especially if they are men, and the loneliness of not being understood as modern mom really sinks in. Then, if you’re a millennial mom, you may have many friends that don’t have kids, making it even more isolating to feel understood with others around you.

The year 2020 really threw a wrench in the mix and caused a lot of moms to “fail” even more, (I know I did!). Some working moms had to quit their jobs, take leave of absences, got laid off. Some stay at home moms had to learn how to support their child’s every academic/emotional/social/mental need all while taking care of the households. Some working moms had to do that and work. The year 2020 only glorified the lack of support mommas face and many of my clients (including myself at times) felt completely lost.

I personally think women’s rights and the journey to equality are moving in the right direction. We as women, have made it so far with being able to have the liberties that we have always deserved. This, in theory is GREAT! However, I still think we as a society have a long way to go. Modern mothers are constantly asking themselves, “Why is being a mom so hard?” “What happened to me?” “Did I ruin my life?” “Why am I failing at everything?” and are pushing themselves too far to accomplish perfection in everything they are expected to do, (which isn’t attainable!) Then, often times, we get stuck with the shame and guilt of needing to ask for help, or admitting to ourselves and others that sometimes this is just too hard. A big part of our pressure as moms is society’s fault, but another big source of our pressure is self induced. I think modern moms are generally more educated and embrace self care more than previous generations. Many mommas want to advocate for being a “better” parent than the one(s) they had because they struggled in childhood.

Many mommas push themselves too far because they are struggling with self love.

As moms, we have to acknowledge that no matter how much we love our families, we cannot feel whole until we prioritize self love. We have to take care of ourselves, our needs and prioritize our own emotional well being. We can’t continue to prioritize perfecting our responsibilities, in a subconscious attempt to find purpose.

We are still going to mess up; we are still going to negatively affect our children; we are still going to fail; we are human. We have to take the pressure off ourselves by admitting these truths. No matter how much we work on perfecting our lives, we may never have it all together. The most successful children come from parents that are able to acknowledge that; that give them an example of what it looks like to be insecure. We all grow and learn from leaning into our fears verses trying to control and cover them.

If you feel as though you are juggling bowling balls and can’t catch a break, it isn’t because you are flawed, momma, it is because our society puts too much pressure on us. We put too much pressure on us. Don’t let your guilt take over and make you feel like a horrible person. Your guilt is often being activated by fear and sometimes we need to just admit to ourselves we are fearful. We have to accept we don’t have control of the world; we don’t know what is going to happen politically, socially, environmentally. We don’t know how this year is going to affect our children in the long run. We don’t know how to manage our day-to-days! We are doing our best and it’s OK to be afraid that you don’t have it all together.

You are not the only mom that feels this way. I promise. Take time to nurture yourself daily, even if it is 10 minutes. Take time everyday to connect to your inner child and work on healing yourself from what you’ve been protecting your kids from. This will be the key to self love and exploration that helps you connect to your true inner strength and purpose. Us moms do a lot, and we don’t have to continue to be burdened by this unattainable expectation of perfection.

We can help!

The post Why is Being a Mom So Hard? appeared first on Modern Love Counseling.

Couples Counseling Denver : Top 5 Reasons Couples are Seeking Counseling Services in 2022 

Sometimes, seeking couples counseling in Denver may feel like the last resort. Maybe it’s the investment; maybe it’s the fear of what drudging up past issues will do to your relationship; maybe it’s the fear of the unknown. All of these concerns are valid and completely common. Couples Counseling, along with traditional Individual Counseling, isn’t always a walk in the park. In fact, counseling can often feel more like your first 14’er. Included with unpredictable weather and the last minute realization that you completely under packed! Once you get to the “top,” you feel accomplished and confident in yourself, until you realize you have to get back down… ugh.

Like any impactful change, counseling requires commitment. Commitment to being challenged and a commitment to trusting the process. If your relationship has been through the ringer recently (especially within the last 2 years of the COVID era), you aren’t alone. To normalize the desire to seek couples counseling Denver, I wanted to share some of the trends this year that we are seeing post COVID that are bringing couples into our virtual offices. The year 2020-to present day has had a huge impact on our relationships and if you are on the fence about reaching out, please know that couples counseling is here to support your relationship. This is what we were trained to do!

Here are the recent top 5 reasons couples are reaching out to our practice for couples counseling Denver:

#1 To Discuss Family Planning

With the past couple years we have all endured, it would make sense that couples are struggling with future planning. Life pretty much flipped upside down and a lot of things shifted our original plans and goals. Couples are seeking support to discuss fears and/or any build up of resentment about the changes they are experiencing about the unknown of their future planning. If your plans have changed and you aren’t sure how to get back on track, we can help!

#2 To Repair Infidelity

More so than usual, I am seeing an increase with couples contacting us for help with recent affairs or even past infidelity that they had never fully repaired. Maybe there is a coincidence with the last couple years being so taxing on our relationships, maybe not. Maybe the disconnect between partners and any past infidelity has become impossible to ignore. Either way, if you’re struggling with infidelity in any sense, we are here to support both of you with an unbiased and non-judgmental stance.

#3 To Stop Having Consistent Arguments

Couples are mentioning that because of last couple year’s changes, they may have found themselves in the house together more without a lot of outlets. In addition, they both may have been struggling with work/life balance, which has resulted in more consistent arguments. Even if the arguments themselves are not “the problem,” couples are expressing the need to unpack them and understand why they are having more of them in the first place. Couples are seeking the tools to better navigate the transitions in the world, as well as the impacts they have had on their mental health and relationships. Couples are wanting the tools to better repair conflict and build healthy boundaries so consistent arguments don’t consume their day-to-day.

#4 To Better Communicate

Still one of the most popular reasons couples seek support is to better communicate. If 2020 has shown us anything, it is that the unexpected happens sometimes and it is purely out of our control. This can heighten stress and anxiety, which most likely bleeds into your relationship. As mentioned, couples are also struggling with boundaries and personal time. It can be challenging to communicate effectively if you feel overwhelmed and smothered by day-to-day responsibilities. Maybe the two of you haven’t had a “date night” in forever, or you can’t seem to work up the energy to have sex. Maybe your needs aren’t being address and you’re both not prioritizing your relationship in the ways you once did. All of these factors can affect your communication style, which can impact the entire relationship. We can help you both learn to vulnerably communicate, as well as hear each other before making assumptions or getting triggered.

#5 To Help with Social/Familial Dynamics

Because of the challenging years we have all endured, our social outlets and support systems have changed. Maybe it has decreased or maybe there have been a conflict of values that have emerged. Either way, this can be very disheartening during a time when you feel you need others the most. Same goes with family. Maybe the social, political and religious polarities have divided your family and these shifts have caused hurt feelings or tensions in your relationship. Either way, we can’t deny that everyone has their own take on the world and if you find yourself in conflict about it (with anyone you care about) it can be isolating and frustrating. We can help you both get on the same page and work towards building a plan at setting boundaries and working on acceptance together as a team.

“We couldn’t be more grateful for finding Alysha. It’s been about 14 months since we met her and she helped us figure out the right tools and communication techniques to work through arguments on our own. My boyfriend moved in about 6 months before quarantine in 2020, and it was a tough adjustment for both of us when we were more or less the only human interaction each other had. She helped me understand where my partner was coming from (and why) in ways I would have never navigated on my own, and we’re in an amazing place now. Couldn’t recommend her – and her style of getting to know us – any more!

Real Client Testimonial | Lindsay from Denver

If you are looking for Couples Counseling Denver, we are here to help! Remember, we still specialize in preventative counseling and intimacy enhancement. Couples continue to come to us wanting to explore deeper areas of their relationship and it doesn’t always have to be prompted by stressors in the relationship. Read more about what really brings couples into counseling. 

Contact us today to schedule a FREE 15 minute consult! At the moment we are only offering virtual sessions that you can conveniently access in the comfort of your own home.

The post Couples Counseling Denver appeared first on Modern Love Counseling.